It was the second day of a painful period and I was craving tandoori chicken. I ordered one for myself and ate it to my heart’s content.
I defied all the norms and qualities of a “good and ideal” woman, wife and mom:
1. I ordered it, did not stand in the kitchen heat and make it from the scratch.
2. I had the whole thing for myself.
3. I did not eat any leftover last piece stating that I am not hungry.
4. I was the first one to eat as I was hungry.
5. I ordered a dish of my choice and not simply what my family liked. I like to prioritize my choices too.
6. I pampered myself and expressed my pain in front of my family without trying to camouflage it with a fake smile or stating “I am fine.” I refused to silently bear the pain without sharing the anguish with my children and husband.
And surprisingly despite not fitting in the “ideal and good” category, I am an awesome woman, wife and mother! 😉
What gives the teachers or for that matter any adult to berate or humiliate a child? My daughter’s friend mentioned to her yesterday that her tuition teacher of a so-called reputed tuition class yells and berates her almost daily. This is shaking her confidence. The parents aren’t able to connect with the higher authorities to complain.The otherwise simple bubbly girl is become dull and anxious.
Why don’t some teachers/adults have the bandwidth to deal with kids, especially teenagers? Yelling, bullying, humiliating doesn’t motivate them, it damages their spirit, their confidence, their belief in themselves.The pressure of scoring well shouldn’t be the only objective always. Such teachers/adults need to understand child psychology well. Unfortunately, most of them are unequipped to do so.
My son got his specs at age 7, my daughter had her periods at age 10, my kids have hurt themselves innumerable times, and so on, but one thing what I have always tried to avoid was “mom guilt”. I never blamed myself for my son having specs at a young age as the eye specialist had told it was due to genetics, I never blamed myself for my daughter having her period early, as hormones are beyond my control, I never blamed myself for cuts and bruises that my kids endured. Instead of blaming myself, I had always asked myself, “How do I handle the situation now to the best of my ability?” And that’s exactly what I did, and I must say I handled them well!
Day in and day out , I see moms feeling guilty about things which are beyond their control or just a bad timing. As such, the world is harsh on mothers, blaming them all the time rather than appreciating their efforts; so as mothers its time we are kind to ourselves. If its unintentional, its fine and even if its intentional let’s simply apologize and rectify. At the end of the day, we all want the best for our kids and our love for them is what matters…
Society, parents, school teach the children to be honest and have their opinion, yet I always feel that when children, especially teenagers, put forth their honest opinions and views many parents, elders, teachers do not take it well. A child who doesn’t want to toe the line is usually termed “rebellious” or “mannerless”. A teacher-pleasing student or people-pleasing individual is applauded more than the honest one. No wonder many children eventually stop giving their honest opinions.
Don’t stop your children from expressing, from discussing, from being honest if you want holistically developed children and society.
My son’s childhood friend has always been a brilliant student and is now pursuing engineering from country’s one of the best colleges. My son met him day before as he has come down for Diwali vacation and my son told me that his friend has decided to take a break of 6 months from engineering. The studies and the pressure has taken a toll on him and he started getting panic attacks and black outs. His parents took him to a counselor and the boy decided to take a break and pursue his other hobby, photography. After 6 months, he will take a call as to what will be his next step. His parents are totally supportive and have the left the decision to him.
I am extremely happy to know that the parents chose their son’s mental health over academics or rat race. He is the youngest child and his parents are in their late 50s and early 60s, but they have chosen their son’s happiness. That’s how parents should be! This decision has not been easy for the boy since he has always been a brilliant student, but nothing matters more than mental health.
Good to see many parents supporting the happiness and mental well being of their children rather than worrying about “chaar log”, money spent or what will happen in the future! A happy child matters the most.
Things that are taken for granted when everything is fine
1. Good health.
2. Good appetite.
3. Sound sleep.
4. Loving spouse.
5. Well brought up children.
6. Parents and siblings.
7. Good stable source of income.
8. Helpful people.
9. Good friends and relatives.
10. Education and money.
11. Peace of mind.
12. Sound mental health.
14. Confidence and inner strength.
15. People who are still around you and alive. Life is unpredictable.
As I grow older, I look around me and see equations changing, tables turning. Its just a matter of may be 2 or 3 decades but one thing that I notice is people who were young, powerful and with authority once have become older now and ones whom they dominated have grown young and powerful. Now that child is a young person and the young person is more or less powerless and repentant (might not admit though!).
The authoritarian can be a parent, a teacher, a relative, a boss, a neighbor, someone with more power, money, beauty and good health. They forget nothing remains permanent, that change is the only constant. The damage that they do is forgotten by them, but not by the one who bears the brunt of that damage. Someone prettier and richer than you might have mocked you and now he/she might have lost that youth, beauty and power. A parent who might have been emotionally or physically detached or abusive wants the grown-up child to shower him/her with love and emotions.
Don’t push away people and relations when you are at your prime. Don’t let your ego ruin everything. Some day you will lose your prime and the one who was weaker will be in his/her prime. Those lost years, damaged relations, hurt and bruised hearts won’t just mend magically. Be good, be nice when you have all the energy, money, youth, beauty and time because by the time you realize your follies it might be too late to mend the broken hearts and relations.
As a part of a committee in his college, my son has to make cold calls to various people for sponsorship. As a part of the service industry, I know how these calls work. I told my son about how some people might be rude, some might disconnect calls, some might ask to call later, and some might show interest. All-in-all he would encounter various kinds of people in these calls and that he needs to stay calm and neutral in all the calls.
As a youngster, its not easy to take rejections or deal with rude people, but that’s another aspect of life. Dealing with rejections and handling various kinds of people will be a part of life. Now, the advice and ideas given to the children are in another tangent 🙂
Most “motherhood” ads focus around new moms and their babies. Wish there were ads and discussions focusing on another side of motherhood, semi-veteran moms like us with children ready to fly out of their nest.
There are a lot of similarities between the early stage of motherhood and now. In both the stages, moms are overcome by the effects of hormones, in both the stages they are trying to mold themselves in accordance with their children, in both the stages at some stage they are lonely, in both the stages they are marred by physical and emotional changes, in both the stages they are judged, in both the stages they are often clueless.
The only difference is then we teach them to walk and now we give them wings to fly out of their nest.
My daughter has opted for French as her subject instead of Hindi for class 9 and 10 and since there were lesser students opting for French, the school had told us that they won’t be teaching it but taking exams and that if we are sure that she can do it on her own to opt for it. Since my daughter wanted to opt out of Hindi, she chose French. In our family, only my son has studied French from class 4-8 and then again in 12th. I had decided to opt for tuition for my daughter, but within 2 days we realized that the teacher wasn’t that good. My daughter then decided that her Dada (elder brother) would be her French teacher.
Between his own studies, meeting his friends, playing games, attending online college meetings, doing assignments, leg pulling and bickering, my son managed to teach French to his sister. In the first term exam, my daughter scored second highest marks in French in her section and did well in this among most subjects.
The sibling duo keeps bantering, Dada keeps pulling the sister’s leg all the time, but the duo did some serious stuff too!! This Teacher’s Day my daughter in a typical sibling (reluctant) style wished her Dada “Happy Teacher’s Day”